The Two Phases of Gratitude
There are two phases of gratitude.
The first and most common phase is outward gratitude. It is the difference between what you have versus someone else. You may have something good that another person lacks such as love. Or, you may lack something bad that another person has such as illness. In either case, your gratitude is relative. For example, I felt immense gratitude after witnessing what life was like in a slum.[1]
The second phase is inward gratitude. It is appreciating what is there, instead of what there is. Inward gratitude is purely a present-moment appreciation. Imagine you just met a friend and were inwardly grateful. You would be thankful for that singular experience, irrespective of the friends you met or might make later.[2]
In life, outward gratitude is readily abundant. The sad truth is that suffering is all around us. Depending on who you are, there are thousands to billions of people whose lives are worse than yours.[3]
I have noticed that outward gratitude often provides a clue as to what is enough. After seeing the abject poverty in that slum, I was certain I was rich enough. So, I started to stop caring how wealthy I was in comparison to others. I don’t mean to be complacent; I’m just not crying over spoiled milk anymore.
I came to believe that there are two phases of gratitude. And as I looked outward at others, and found what was enough for me, I started to look inward. [4]
Footnotes
[1] In outward gratitude, you can compare yourself not just with someone else, but also with other versions of yourself. For instance, I am grateful to be healthy today because I knew how horrible it was to be sick yesterday.
[2] Surprisingly, children are very inwardly grateful. They are grateful for the present moment. Despite them not knowing about suffering, they can display great gratitude when receiving the smallest kindness.
[3] Or better. Also, a “worse life” does not mean the life is not worth living, rather the quality of life is lower in select respects.
[4] Consider the inverse of these two phases: outward ingratitude and inward ingratitude. Everyone gets jealous occasionally but you should avoid absolutely unappreciative people at all costs.
